I’m gonna go with “yes” on this one, largely because I am a serious over-thinker when it comes to relating to other people.
If I have something hard to say to someone, I think about it for a long time, pick my words carefully, and say it as gently as possible.
Or if someone is going through a hard time, I usually say sympathetic/empathetic things to them.
And when I talk to people, I try to anticipate what sore spots might be there so that I can avoid stepping on them.
Maybe, as with most good manners, tactfulness is really just thinking about and considering the other person.
Of course, tactfulness skills are not without their downside. Those of us who are quite tactful probably tend to struggle with not being assertive enough.
(At least, I do!)
And people who have good levels of assertiveness probably struggle with not being tactful enough.
Are you tactful? And how does that correlate with how assertive you are?
(If you are tactful AND assertive, I am jealous!)
I am tactful personally, but I am not good at prevaricating for the sake of tact. Meaning I just won’t say anything in response or on the topic if I think it will be offensive. I will not, however, talk around something and mislead in order to be tactful. It’s one reason I was not suited to politics, which, believe it or not, I actually worked in at the state level for a couple of years.
I feel like I didn’t explain that well, although it made sense in my head. 🙂
I am. It’s all about perspective. If are able to see things from another perspective or point of view and can consider that then you can have tact.
I have managed to upset people when I am giving them good news! Tact is something I work on daily, I think. My husband is very tactful and some of that has rubbed off on me, thank heavens!
This made me laugh!
I thought of you when I was writing this post because I know you have said that you have no problems at all being assertive. You and I are opposites in that sense. 🙂
It doesn’t come naturally to me.
I feel like I could file a lot of these prompts under “interacting with people is excruciating” and that would be enough. 😉
I try but I tend to talk in bullet points rather than essays which some people interpret as too abrupt.
I’m curious Kristen, what is your personality type on the Myers-Briggs assessment (if you know)? I understand and relate to many of the things you mention here and on your other blog. I’m an “ISFJ” and I was wondering how you compared. Thanks for giving us the glimpses into your thought process. I enjoy both of your blogs very much.
I believe I’m an ISFJ as well! I always forget if I’m INFJ or ISFJ, but I think I’m the S.
I know I am tactful like you are, Kristen, because of the thought and overthought before–and after–conversations. I still feel bad rehashing exact words of embarrassing conversations from over 60 years ago–ones in which I tried to be diplomatic but often wondered if I’d succeeded. I find that sometimes it is a drawback to over-empathize. It might come off as on the fence or wishy-washy when I try so hard to understand another’s point of view. I am not assertive at all and could never be a salesperson or anything where I had to persuade people to do/think a certain way. I think I was well-suited to motherhood and teaching, though.