Nope.
That’s a very short blog post, so I’ll elaborate a little.
I do think attraction at first sight is a real thing.
And attraction at first sight could lead to a relationship, which could in turn lead to love.
If someone says, “It was love at first sight! And here we are, 50 years later.”, then I assume the above is what happened.
Attraction –> relationship –> love.
For every story like the one above, though, there are probably hundreds of cases where people thought it was love at first sight, and the relationship never really went anywhere.
Feeling attracted to someone when you first see them is pretty easy, but that is not a feeling that has staying power apart from some relationship building. And that can’t happen in a moment.
Nope. But I will say I know of some awfully durable marriages that launched within mere weeks of the two people meeting. I can’t develop a relationship that quickly (neither romantic nor friendly) but it clearly does happen.
No. Sorry, Hollywood. Love is way more complex than that.
No way!!! Love isn’t a feeling anyway – it’s an action. When you love someone, you do loving things, like my husband brushes snow of my car if it’s sitting outside in the winter. Even when I don’t LIKE him very much (I’m mad at him or whatever), or am not particularly ATTRACTED to him at one time or other, I still LOVE him and act in loving ways.
Ha! No. When I met the man who eventually became my husband, I didn’t particularly care for him. Plus, he was married, with two children. The thought of potentially dating him was absolutely non-existent. Fast forward 12 years. His kids were now grown and he was a recent widower. I hired him to do a project at my house, and the rest is history. We’re approaching our eighth anniversary. Never in a million years did I expect this turn of events.
I just think you guys have such a great love story! And I can’t believe it’s been almost eight years. My goodness.
Nope! Though I did declare my now-husband to be “the man of my dreams” long before we ever talked. But it was really a miracle of God that we ever got together. It’s kind of a long story. But there was definitely ‘relationship’ in there for a long time before we hit the ‘love’ stage.
If you have time for the story…
Yep! Living proof here.
That’s a tantalizing four words, Bobi. 🙂
Kristen, I think I remember you saying once that in your religion/family/culture or something, there is or was no “dating”. Can you expand on that, if it was you?
I also read somewhere that the initial attraction between people was pretty scientific/chemical/instant, based on odor, body language/looks, at least it used to be, but with so much online stuff ,now, I wonder…
Yep, I grew up in what’s now known as evangelical purity culture. Basically, the idea was the casual dating just uses people, and dating should be reserved as a tool to find a spouse, not as entertainment.
There are parts of purity culture that I still do agree with, and then there are other parts that I definitely do not embrace.
That’s a good point about online dating and attraction! Pheromones do not transmit online. 🙂
We were not part of the evangelical Christian movement, but my father drilled a few things into me, including “do not date someone you cannot see yourself marrying because if you give into hormones and end up pregnant you will be stuck dealing with him until the baby is 18.” I took that very seriously.
That is the greatest piece of advice. If it had been framed that way to me I think I would have listened!
Here from your Frugal blog, and I love this site of prompts!
I think the scientific version of strong initial attraction (tied to sense-vision, smell, etc) is what can lead to an impression of “love at first site.” If you’ve ever seen The Godfather, when two characters meet they are described as having been hit by “the thunderbolt.” One of them stumbles and almost falls after seeing her future mate.
I may be partial to this explanation because this is basically what happened when I met my husband. I felt stunned and the air seemed close and electric. Then he started to speak and we had such a great connection. Of course keeping the relationship going has taken a lot of work over the years (22!) but I still feel that charge every once and a while when I see him from afar…