Uh, I can’t really imagine someone answering this prompt with a, “No.”
I suppose the definition of good manners matters a lot, though.
If we’re asking, “Do you think that very formal niceties that are vestiges of white upper class society are important for Americans right now?”, then I’d say, “Probably not.”
(I do not need to bend my pinky while drinking tea.)
But if we’re defining manners as something like following accepted cultural customs out of love for and deference to others, then I fall into the, “Yes.” camp.
Things like saying please and thank you, being on time, giving people a friendly greeting, being respectful of other people’s time, space, and possessions…all of those things are good manners to me.
Of course, this is a very American way of looking at good manners; I know these things vary a lot from culture to culture. And even within American culture, what’s considered to be “good manners” would vary a whole lot.
Still, if your heart is in the right place and you want to be courteous to others, then I think you’ll adjust to whatever cultural norms are where you live.
To me, the whole point of good manners is to make others feel good. Saying please and thank you, holding doors open, excusing yourself if you need someone to move–these are all ways of showing someone that you appreciate and respect them. On another level, I think good manners are a way of looking after the dignity of other people. My favourite story (which may or may not be true, and anyway I don’t know the details) is that some person who had done something great was invited to a meal with a monarch. This person didn’t have fancy table manners, so they picked up the little bowl of water that you’re supposed to wash your fingers in and drank from it. The monarch immediately copied them, prompting every other guest to do the same. That way, the person who did it wouldn’t feel embarrassed. That, to me, is exemplary manners.
Yes! That story says it all.
I love that story! 🙂
Yes, very much so. And in a very small place like this, they are essential. You just don’t want to offend anyone over something minor, because you will still see that person all the time. Actually, I’ve noticed here (tiny ranching community) that there is a very great emphasis placed on good manners for children especially. Kids are expected to introduce themselves to adults, look them in the eye, shake hands, say please and thank you, sir and ma’am, etc. This is kind of a challenge for my middle, extremely shy (and yes, stubborn) son, and it’s something we have a hard time with sometimes.
I remember a saying, something like “Good manners are the lubricant of society.”
There was a great Richard Scarry book I used to read to my little daughter, until she memorized it and then learned to read it to me! It had adorable pictures of animals interacting and showing good manners. The whole premise was “good manners make a person nice to know.” I loved that!
Ok, is that the one that talked about the different pests, like the Annoying Pest? If so, that’s one of my favorites too!
Good manners are very important and I hope I’ve instilled them in my two sons. They were taught to shake hands and look people in the eye on meeting and it’s second nature to them now, thankfully.
I was unbearably introverted as a cold and my mom didn’t teach me to do this, excusing me each time saying I was shy. Even today I struggle with first meetings and have to take a deep breath before that first “hello”. I stick with it because it’s so important.
I must add I live in England where I think it is perceived from afar that we have good manners bred into us …… many encounters on a daily basis (well before COVID) tell me that we do not!!
That’s funny because as an American, I DO have this impression that you all are very polite over there.
It might be more like repressed rather than polite Kristen 😂😂
It does seem though that more and more people seem to breeze on through their lives without a though for those around them. Letting doors go on people behind them is a particular pet peeve of mine or when I hold a door open and no one says thank you, that makes me almost lose my politeness!
I always say, “you’re welcome” in a loud yet pleasant voice. You’d be surprised how many people do turn around and say, thank you! Probably not good manners on my part but also a pet peeve of mine.