-other people’s opinions of me
For a lot of my life, I have been prone to giving too much weight to what other people think. Or too much weight to other people’s reactions.
So if someone is upset with me, I tend to automatically assume that I should assume the blame.
Or if someone says, “You are selfish/inconsiderate/unforgiving/fill-in-the-blank.”, I am prone to accepting that as a valid accusation rather than trying to objectively evaluate the truthfulness of the accusation.
I’d like to get better at seeing situations like these through a more objective lens.
-my gender/age
If you’ve read my, “You don’t need whiskers to do that.” post, you already know that I am not a fan of deciding what I can or can’t do based solely on my gender. If I want to do something that’s realistically possible but is generally a “male” task, I don’t like to let that stop me.
Also, at 42, I am approaching middle age (or I am already there, depending on how long I live!) and I don’t want to let that define me either.
I can decide to go back to school and I can keep learning and growing and trying new things regardless of my age.
-faith generalizations
That’s not a great way to phrase it, probably, but the gist is this: I don’t like to be defined by “evangelical Christian”.
I am a Christian, certainly, and I am not ashamed to be known as such.
But sometimes I hate being lumped in with what people typically think of when they hear “Christian”.
(Often “conservative” comes to mind when people hear, “Christian”. And I do not strongly identify with either left or right politics. There are parts of both parties that I agree and disagree with.)
My weight, which has fluctuated wildly in my life. This is partly due to my illness (steroids make you SOOOO hungry) but also due to eating being my way to handle both good and bad stress. At my heaviest I was close to 300 pounds and although I am now half that, which is pretty thin at 6 feet plus, I still feel like I am huge. What annoys me is how different I was treated at my fattest, versus now. My IQ and degrees did not change but somehow being fat gave people permission to treat me like I was stupid, be rude to me, and make unsolicited comments about my appearance. I actually had one guy tell me that he could not believe I was married because who would want such a fat wife. And at my fattest I was my most assertive/obnoxious because I was not about to let people ignore me because they did not like my appearance (or the fact that at my heaviest I was also in a wheelchair all the time, which also makes you invisible to people). But through all these fluctuations, my husband never said one negative thing or in any way indicated he cared about the weight; when I asked him once, he said he was so happy I was still alive that nothing else mattered. I do have a section in my closet with a dresses to be buried in, in a variety of sizes…
Weight discrimination is more widely accepted than almost any other type. It’s real and it’s sad that so many people engage in it.
I don’t mind being defined by anything about me which is true. . . .so long as I’m not solely defined by one single thing.
My weight. I always was thin prior to struggling with endometriosis snd the hormone issues have really made it tough to keep the weight off. I both feel people define me by my weight and I act differently because of it. I’m not too overweight but it definitely impacts by life.
Gosh yes weight is my number 1 defining issue. People assume that I’m always happy to play the ‘funny fat girl’ role. I’m funny yes but I don’t automatically want that linked to my weight as I’m so much more than that.
Just have to say the 6 year old you is DARLING!!! And you look just the same, just grown up. You are beautiful.
Being a Baby Boomer. I was born at the tail end of the Baby Boomer generation, and it makes me angry when someone says “okay, Boomer” online or in person. I refuse to be pigeon-holed or have assumptions made about my behaviors or beliefs based on when I was born, and I do not do the same to other generation groups.
The way you wrote about not being defined as a conservative, evangelical Christian, made me think that you might enjoy the Holy Post podcast by Phil Vischer. It is bringing me so much joy and a feeling of belonging that I do not feel with a lot of Christian leaders right now.
I agree with Charlotte’s recommendation. I discovered that podcast this fall and find it refreshing at how it looks at life through a Christian lens, not a Republican or Democrat lens. It’s been very thought-provoking for me.