Hmm.
I think it is very, very easy to fall into the trap of being disappointed in people and situations outside of myself.
I could make a long list of those types of situations. And you probably could too!
But I’m not sure that that’s a great thing to focus on. If I go down that path, I feel it feeding my self-righteousness.
Isn’t that sort of what it is when we’re disappointed in someone else? It’s almost like we’re thinking, “Gosh, I’m so disappointed that person behaved worse than I would have behaved in that same situation.”
I think it’s probably much better to focus my gaze on my own self, because I am all I can control in this world!
I don’t know if I would say that I’m disappointed in myself very often; it’s more that sometimes I am frustrated with myself when I do something I am trying really hard not to do.
Like if I make a clear refusal to someone (“No, I am not going to discuss this with you.”) and then they manage to get me discussing that thing with them, I feel frustrated with myself for not sticking to what I said.
But feeling disappointed with myself isn’t a place I want to hang out for long. I’d rather be thinking, “How could I learn from this so that I behave differently next time?”
This is probably the most not-really-answering-the-prompt post I’ve done in this blog’s existence!
The pants I ordered from a re-sale site. I hatehatehate buying pants online, but I really need some jeans, and I don’t have many options for shopping (to put it wildly and hilariously mildly). I couldn’t even find jeans in my size and inseam length on the site, so I tried some pants that were supposed to have the right measurements, and they were just . . . ridiculous. Too long, too big, too weird. Ugh. I’ve gotten several pairs of pants over the years from sites like this that have been fine, but these really weren’t. So annoying.
I wish clothes that needed to fit just-so would last forever. Jeans is one of the things getting awfully thin around here.
I am disappointed in myself when I bite my nails. I have always been a very anxious person, even as a kid. We were a pretty anxious family–poor and with my parents always worrying that something would happen to the government in the US and they’d end up back in some concentration camp. My siblings and I would hear them discussing how to prepare for the next time the world fell apart, where to hide and whom to trust to hide us. One of my self-soothing habits was biting my fingernails, really badly until they bled. It took me until college to stop it, by taking up smoking after a boyfriend said my hands looked like I was trying to devour myself. I was so humiliated that I moved onto reaching for a smoke for self-soothing. Luckily, I set my own pants on fire not once but twice, while fiddling with the matches in my pocket, because it convinced me that smoking was not a skill I possessed. Back to nail biting…which is a filthy and humiliating habit. I finally stopped by resolving to bite one less nail a month. So the first month I could bite my other nine nails, and the second month my other eight nails…until I sort of weaned myself. Still, over the years it occasionally crops up, as it did over the last few months of our political situation. I always feel so shamed and disappointed in myself and with having to hide my hands until my nails grow back. The worst part is that I sometimes do it in my sleep, during really bad times of stress, so I can’t even stop myself until I wake up to see the damage.
Lindsey, I can relate to your story, except I mercilessly pick my hangnails until they bleed. My hands always look terrible, and I know it’s a nervous/anxious habit I’ve had since childhood.
Though my parents did not have the same anxiety issues as yours did (my heart goes out to them – that sounds so difficult to endure), my parents had a loving but difficult relationship, which my siblings and I observed.
I have resolved to stop this disgusting habit by trimming my hangnails instead of picking at them. I also started taking medication for my anxiety (not because of the hangnail issue, ha ha!), and that has helped with a number of things. Nkt saying medication is the answer for everyone, but it has helped me tremendously. We all need to be gentle with ourselves, and celebrate every win.
Not, not Nkt
You really made me chuckle when you mentioned starting your pants on fire… twice! Thanks for that morning smile.
Lindsey, I wear gloves at night. Not for nail-biting, but because my hands get SO dry that they crack and split (so attractive). I slather on the Vaseline and put on gloves. Do you think wearing gloves would help you? Of course, your nighttime self might still pull them off. Ugh, I hate that we can’t control what we do in our sleep.
Is it too much of a downer to say that I am utterly and profoundly disappointed in this country that I love? The political divide that rips apart this nation is soul wrenching, at least for me. 🙁 I’ve unfollowed people on Facebook to the point that now I mostly seem to watch videos of dogs! Psalm 146:3 is a comfort.
On a less depressing note, I’ve not been able to find Chlorox Anywhere sanitizing spray for months. I’m hoarding my last unused bottle!
Lindsey, it would have to be budgeted for, but a good friend goes to a salon to get acryllic nails because otherwise she would bite them. Her nails are kept short enough so that they don’t look fake. She goes to a salon that accepts walk ins and one that fits her wallet.
I echo Liz’s comment that we need to be gentle with ourselves. Hugs to you.
I am disappointed in our government. This post is not to a political debate.
Our family farm was put out of business due to Covid. My grandfather started the farm in 1950. The love of our farm is deep. There has been three USDA financial funding to help farmers. We finally qualified for the 3rd round of financial help. We were told it is on hold. Today I heard the government will take the money set aside for farmers to use it for climate control. We are devastated. 😭😭