I don’t think this would be draining to everyone in the world, but it is definitely draining for me: being around someone who is easily offended and reads things in a negative light, rather than giving giving the benefit of the doubt.
If I had a personality that was less in tune with other people’s feelings, then this would probably be less draining for me.
But because I so often think about other people’s feelings and perceptions, I tend to have an, “I must be very careful to not offend this person!” approach.
And that’s exhausting; trying to basically walk on eggshells so as not to do anything the other person could misread or misinterpret.
Basically, I take on too much responsibility for the other person, as though it is my job to be perfect enough to keep the other person feeling good.
I recognize that this is not good for either party and yet I still struggle.
An easy solution to this would be for the other person to learn to not be so easily offended.
(Solutions that involve other people doing the changing are wonderful, right??)
But, I can only control me.
So, something I often try to repeat to myself is (and I probably have typed this here before!):
“I am responsible for my behavior. I am not responsible for the other person’s reaction to my behavior. If my behavior wasn’t problematic, then their reaction is about them, not about me. Their feelings are their responsibility.”
Complaining.
I have less and less tolerance for complaining as time goes on. This part of me battles with the “I love to listen to people and hear their stories” part, but if someone tends to complain a lot, my interest in listening drops way off and I feel drained.
I completely understand that there’s no shortage of topics to complain about and that it comes naturally to us. But life is short and I want to focus on the good in it if at all possible.
Anyplace with lots of physical stimuli is very, very draining to me. So a combination of sun or wind, noise, busy visuals, etc. Like a fair, or being out on a boat, even a bowling alley. All those things send me straight to bed when I get home.
This is, as you might imagine, a definite handicap with a bunch of kids. 🙂
This is me to a certain degree. It’s one reason why I only have one kid.
I love her very much but sometimes after taking her out somewhere and spending the day out I just need some quiet alone time to veg. I don’t usually get it but it is nice. I can also tell if I’m getting overwhelmed she is definitely getting overwhelmed.
Thank you for this lovely reminder. I have someone in my life that is somewhat toxic. My stress and anxiety rise before, during and after almost every interaction and I think it’s because I place too much value on what they think and what they’re going to say. I am so drained every time we spend time together, even before they even arrive. I need to better manage how I deal with them but also need to recognize that I am not responsible for them or their feelings. And that’s not to say that I don’t/shouldn’t care about their feelings – it’s to recognize that they are allowed to feel the way they feel without it requiring action or emotion on my part.
Loud sounds bother me. Yelling, loud music, commercials that go up in volume…if I let myself, even the faint buzzing of certain types of lights drives me up the wall. When I am home alone, there is no television or radio on, just blessed silence. I tried audiobooks once and it was a nightmare, having someone’s voice piped right into my ears!
I’m currently struggling not to agonize over a situation like this right now! It all makes sense, what you’ve said, and I have spent painful time trying to figure out why this person is determined to be mad and offended- could it be me? How can I explain or repair when I have no idea what’s behind this? Am I just the current target since this looks like a pattern for her? It’s awful. And I don’t want to make it worse by talking with people who know us both. So I’m seeking some wisdom from people who know me, and from God.