I feel frustrated when people take things too personally by putting the worst construction on someone else’s words or actions.
If you’ve barely seen someone all day, you could say, “Wow, that person ignored me all day.”
Or you could think, “Wow, this person was so busy, I barely saw them today.”
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In another situation, you could think, “That person passed me in the hall and purposely looked the other way.”
Or you could think, “That person probably was so preoccupied, they didn’t even see me.”
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In yet another situation, you could think, “That girl thinks she’s too good for me; I can see her looking at me and judging me.”
Or you could think, “Maybe she’s looking at me because she likes my hair, and she’s too shy to come talk to me.”
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Assuming the worst and making things into a personal affront serves absolutely no one, least of all the person doing the assuming! It’s such a recipe for personal misery.
And not only is the person hurting themselves by assuming the worst, but they are also possibly going to hurt other people and ruin relationships.
But really, I think the greatest victim in cases like these is the person who is doing the assuming.
And that is helpful to remember when I am on the receiving end of erroneous, unkind assumptions; namely, the other person is hurting themselves more than they are hurting me, so compassion is in order.
Also helpful: remembering that when people make assumptions like this, it’s generally more about their own insecurities than it is about anything I’m doing. That helps to remove some of the sting.
Growing tomatoes here. I haven’t yet figured it out. I thought I did this year when I had 26 very healthy-looking plants going into summer . . . and then the hornworms, army worms, and locusts showed up and chewed through the green tomatoes on the plants. Sigh. Maybe next year will be my year. Gardening is an inherently hopeful activity. 🙂
Ugh. I am hoping along with you for next year!
Kristin – Have you tried neem oil and Bt? Mix them with water according to directions, don’t spray in the heat of the day, and while you will still get some chewing, but they will soon stop as they get sick. Grasshoppers and the like can’t tolerate neem oil, and worms can’t take Bt. We spray the plants about once a week and after heavy rains.
I frustrate myself. I have a lot to do, what with a full-time job, a long commute, and a disabled spouse. I almost never get enough sleep. Once in a great while, though, everything lines up and I have work done, or at least where I can stop, no one needs me, and I have an extra hour or maybe even two in the evening to get to bed at a decent hour. So what do I do?
I stay up.
I have realized that, as a night owl and introvert, my need for some solitude in the quiet of the evening has been so repressed, that even though I am exhausted, if the chance presents itself, I will usually stay up and indulge myself in reading, crafting, watching a movie, or baking a treat, when I should go to bed. The next morning I’m always regretful that I didn’t take the opportunity to sleep when I had it, as I struggle to get out of bed. This happens nearly every time, and I get so frustrated with myself.
I am 100% percent empathetic with this dynamic! I so often feel very tired and know I need more sleep but CAN’T seem to force myself to go to bed at a decent hour. Yes, I use the word “CAN’T” intentionally because it literally FEELS outside the area of free, rational choice. This totally mystifies me. Sorry I can’t offer any solution to you but I really DO know the experience you describe.
I’m glad to hear I’m not alone, although I’m sorry you go through it too!
I get that. One thing I’ve appreciated about living in the same place for almost 7 years now is that there are so many people that I know well enough and have a long enough history with that it’s easier to take away some bad assumptions. This goes both ways. I feel more secure in my relationships and know people well enough to not assume the worst in things I see from them. From the other side, I can overanalyze things that I’ve said sometimes, but then I can think about how they know my heart and I can trust that, even if things didn’t come out right, they know me well enough to understand what I meant or where I was coming from.
I was reading a book a few years back that talked about assuming positive intent in parenting and that’s been a helpful phrase for me to remember. Assume positive intent.