Probably the thing I dislike the most is that I am conflict-avoidant.
I have been this way since I was a little kid; I’ve been “going along to get along” for many years. I know my parents often referred to me as a peacemaker, and that’s probably because I just tended to fold at the first sign of conflict.
This easy-going-ness is useful in many ways; often, things truly just aren’t a big deal to me and I’m happy to yield to the other person who has stronger preferences.
But when it does come to something that’s a problem (someone has hurt me, I strongly want to/do not want to do something), I still have trouble speaking up.
I think so much about how the other person might feel and might react, and I don’t want to cause pain or upset to the other person (and I don’t want to feel bad about causing pain!), so too often, I fold.
Or I overthink it to death and talk myself into not speaking up at all.
I know people who are more blunt say bluntness comes with its own set of downsides, so I try to remind myself of that. But sometimes, I really wish that I could manage to speak more freely and that I could lose the overthinking burden.
I have hope that I can grow in this area, but at the same time, I figure it’s something I’ll struggle with for the rest of my life.
Like all thongs, PRACTICE. Pick a person that won’t take anything you say as hurtful and pick something to have a “practice disagreement” about. Like having a debate except more emotion, less cerebral. Even a play fight will help loosen you up in this area. 😁
Sheesh….THINGS not thongs. Lol. Auto-correct is who I fight with most.
That’s hilarious! Spell-check cracks me up! It changed my niece’s name to “Fanatic” recently!
I am the world’s worst small-talk-engager. It’s a known introvert characteristic, and not really a flaw so much as a fact, but oh man. I wish I could small talk. Even after years of intentional work on this (as Sarah says, practice usually does help), no dice.
Funny, my parents always said I was a peacemaker. I’m definitely a conflict-avoider. I have gotten better at speaking up for myself over the years. My husband has helped me a lot as he has told me many, many times not to keep things inside and not to just accept something I disagree with or am hurt by. He has a way of asking pointed questions that make me think about what I’m really feeling – putting it into words rather then just thinking about it. I have found his method of putting thoughts into words can be quite freeing emotionally (and I don’t mean lashing out at all – just talking things through).
I to often speak before thinking through. I’ve gotten better as I age but I really work at it.
I am the opposite of conflict avoidant—I can have an argument with myself! On my good days, I am assertive but on a bad day I can be pretty aggressive. I am not one of those screaming, swearing people, but I have a hard time letting anything go by, especially with bosses. The good thing is that this impulse is not triggered by people who are powerless, like store clerks, only people who have power and are (in my view) abusing it. My father said I was the most exhausting of the six kids because I questioned everything and would encourage my younger siblings (I was the oldest) to rebel.
At the moment, the thing I am disliking the most about myself is self-doubt. I think it’s been amplified by a mixture of quarantine (not interacting with other adults) and the divisive state of just about everything right now. But I’m finding that after almost every interaction with another adult I am questioning myself hours later about if something I said came out wrong or if I should have said something a different way so as to not be misunderstood.
I’m finding that reintegrating is probably just as awkward and stressful for me as it is for my kids. We don’t know how to be around people anymore!
This turned out to be therapeutic for me! I realized that my problem is worry, which I need to turn over to God. I also need to take a Facebook break, which I’ve already started. Thanks 🙂
This sounds superficial but it’s not. I know you want us to be honest. It’s something that really bothers me. I truly dislike my weight. It’s the one thing that holds me back in some areas of my life. I’m trying hard though and making some positive progress!
Certainly no judgment here; whatever bothers you about yourself is what bothers you! <3 Whatever the prompt brings to mind each time is just fine. 🙂