I read this and thought, “well, this will be a bit of a list!”
I don’t think of myself as an overly nervous person, but I can still think of a number of things that fry my nerves.
being alone in front of a big group of people
Singing in a choir or playing in a band doesn’t freak me out; it’s more when I’m up there performing by myself.
I especially do not like speaking in front of a group of people; I’d rather play the piano on stage.
having to confront someone
I really, really, really hate confronting other people.
In fact, I don’t think there are words to express how much I hate it.
So, when I know I have to do some confronting, I get so nervous that I feel physically sick.
the thought of upsetting/hurting someone
This is really related to the confrontation nerves; I hate confronting because I hate upsetting or hurting people or causing pain.
This is not entirely unselfish on my part; a percentage of the fear is due to me worrying that someone won’t like me or will be unkind to me or (perhaps the worst outcome) shut me out.
So, my nerves in the face of a confrontation task are related to my nerves about the other person’s feelings and reactions.
a physical activity that is actually, factually dangerous
I am not scared of things that FEEL scary but are statistically safe (roller coasters, for example).
But trying to learn a physical activity that could result in me landing on my head due to my own ineptitude: that makes me nervous.
when someone I love has to pass something
For instance, when Mr. FG took his CISSP test that I’d helped him study for, I was nervous for him.
Or if one of my kids has to take a test, I sometimes feel nervous for them.
Mostly, this is related to something I mentioned above; I am nervous because I am really, really hoping they do well, because I want them to feel good/happy. If you love someone, you don’t hope for discouraging, sad results, you know?
Of course, it is true that sometimes, it is good for people to experience disappointment or failure. But I still don’t enjoy it when that happens to people I love!
Talking to groups of people, at parties or whatever. One on one I’m fine, but I am very nervous being in a group. Even of people I know already, like co-workers, but especially if I don’t really know anyone, like with a group of parents at a sports game or something.
In my role as a teacher, I can stand in front of any group or person and talk about my subject matter. But put me in front of a group of colleagues/peers to talk about my research or teaching? My mouth goes dry, my voice cracks, I break out in nervous sweat, and I have an adrenaline crash after.
Driving in the rain. I grew up in the high desert, where rain is quite infrequent, though heavy winter snows are par for the course. I can drive through a blizzard like a champ and managing a car on icy roads is no big deal. But rain? No way. I remember pulling off on the side of the road and sobbing during my first Midwestern rainstorm. I had NEVER driven in rain so heavy that my wipers couldn’t keep up. I’m getting better, but I still avoid the interstate in Texas when it’s raining heavily.
Taking a senior dog to the vet. We had boxers growing up, and they rarely live past ten years old. Most of ours didn’t make it past age 7 because of their tendency to be tumor factories. As soon as one of our non-boxer dogs hits age 7, something clicks in me and vet visits become something I desperately want to avoid. This is so stupid because, of course, avoiding the vet dramatically increases the likelihood that the dog will get sick from something potentially treatable. It’s a good thing I have a much more rational spouse.
I was the same way with our dog. Having been told that 8 was considered “senior” for a dog, I tried to mentally start preparing myself for his passing once he hit 8. Would you believe it–that little bugger lived to be 17 years old! 🙂
Like what you said, when one of my kids is trying to pass something or competing in something. I’m sure I’m more nervous than they are. I hide it well though! But I cannot stand the wait. I’m a bundle of nerves. The these are for big events like college acceptances, Boys State (he got but then it was canceled due to covid-all my nerves for nothing!)
Heights. Being a passenger with someone I know driving or flying. Public speaking, especially if I anticipate being challenged or corrected by audience members. Interestingly, I just had a similar conversation with someone and our issues were kind of opposite. I guess it’s related to childhood and neurotransmitters and feeling supported vs. threatened. And it does change over the years, I have found.
Heights. Even if I see someone in a movie leaning on a porch railing on a tall building, I can feel my stomach lurching.
Driving in large cities. I am certain this comes from living in rural Alaska for so long, where there were no street lights and usually so little traffic that if you wanted to talk to someone you just stopped your car next to their car as they drove up to you. If someone else came along down the street, they would go around you. (Not too many cars in villages of 175 people, especially when the villages were not on the road system so buying a vehicle meant you had to factor flying it in when thinking about cost.) I cannot drive in a large city, even though we now live in a large town accessible by road. I can’t figure out how to get to places and I am convinced I am either going to run over someone or I will be smashed into by another vehicle, and everything just moves too fast and there are too many distractions. If I am a passenger I keep yelping, which disconcerts the driver, if we get close to a bike rider or another car or anything, really.
I am kinda afraid of falling. Like I would never skydive. Ever. Which is a purposed fall. No way.
I get stage fright with singing. I do sing. Took lessons for years. I’ve done cabarets buuuuut I have huge anxiety with it because I know how the sound is supposed to come, and be supported, and yada yada yada, so I psych myself out. I have no stage fright with acting, however. Just singing.
I get nervous when family members have medical tests that could lead to a serious diagnosis. I have had cancer and do not get overly nervous about my own tests and scans, but worry about others. I do not want anyone to have to go through some of the things I did.
Bombs, poisonous bugs/snakes, alligators, kids driving, crazy world leaders, climate change uncontrolled.